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| This guy went to school and he asked
"May I use the bathroom?"
The teacher replied, " no not unless you say your abc's."
The guy said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
The teacher asked "Where's the p?
He replied, " running down my leg!" |
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| Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
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| Patient comes to the doctor, doctor says:
- So, what concerns you?
- Dr, everyone ignores me!
- Next! |
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| Two lovers plan to suicide. Boy jumped first, Girl closed her eyes & return back saying love is blind. Boy in air opened his parachute saying love never dies.
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| Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him...
- Good, good, good...
- Doctor, what's good?
- Good that I don't have what you have... |
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| Q: Have you ever heard the joke that a stupid says, "NO"???
A: "NO"!!! |
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| Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with "t".
Pupil: Today and Tomorrow. |
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| Air traffic controller:
"Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
Airline pilot: "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
here?"
Air Traffic controller: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it
hits a 737?"
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| Why did the referee have such a high phone bill?
Because he made to many calls! |
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| I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my
son broke my playstation.
If my main parachute doesn't open and my reserve parachute doesn't open, how long
till i hit the ground?
- the rest of your life... |
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| To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their
accomplice.
To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney. |
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| My uncle is with the FBI. They caught him in Cleveland.
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| Why did the boy throw the butter out the window?
To see a butterfly. |
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| Question: Which is the oldest animal in the world?
Answer: The Zebra. It is the only animal that is still black and white. |
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| Roshni: What kind of fish is this?
Aquarium keeper: Jelly Fish
Roshni: Which flavor it is? |
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| Q: What is a baby's motto
A: If at first you don't succeed cry cry again! |
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| A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!” The panda yells back at the manager, “Hey man, I m a PANDA! Look it up!” The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: “A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.” |
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| Whats the chemical formula of compressed liquid oxygen?
O2.zip |
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| The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI ... |
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| - How do two programmers make money?
- One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses |
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